Girlie Q

Gun Shots!

2001-11-03T20:37:15Z

The sound of gun shots off in the distance
A waken the soul
Calling for help
What must a person do when there is a war going on right out there door?
Is there anything that can be done?
The sound of gun shots
pull at me to stop the crazy people that
think nothing of killing the beautiful wild deer.
With each shot, I pray that those people,
at lest will have some respect for the
poor animal and not just toss the deer
off, after they get there fame & glory.
The sound of more painful gun shots...
If they must kill these amazing animals,
then they should at lest eat them or give them
to someone that will. But what is the sense of killing?
Not just left there to rot after they have
taken the pictures & took off there antlers to mount on there walls for pride.
The war is still going on right out my door.
I can't go outside. I can't go for a walk in the woods,
for fear of my own life.
The sound of gun shots... ring in my ears.
They are part of us.
You can't kill them.
We are all created as one.
We all belong here.
They still ring in my ears... gun shots, war on deer.
When will there be peace?

Nov. 3rd 2001
11:19am

moonlena @ 2001-10-18T15:01:00

2001-10-18T21:04:23Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOTUS!

Love ya girl! See ya tomorrow! : )

It's my day! : )

2001-10-15T19:21:38Z

Happy Birthday Me! : )
I just wanted to let you all know that I'm home for now. Although, I really miss everyone. But I'll get to see some of them this weekend at Lotus's. I'm really sorry to all the ones that I didn't get to see or hang out with them as much as I was hoping on my trip. Or if you thought me to be very different or anti social. My trip & the last 3 months have been a big changing & growing time for me. So, you'll just have to live with it. I don't see why, I'm even going into all this for it's my life & it's what's happening to me. If you don't understand then that's your deal. I'm getting that feeling from some people lately that I've gone somewhere else. I don't know how to explain it. And I don't need to be sorry about anything. I do love you all! I mean ALL! I'm just on probably a totally different path then, must of you.
Alrighty, my birthday lunch is ready, I must go eat it! I love you & thank you all for being supportive!
Hugs & friary kisses!

Home!

2001-09-26T01:16:36Z

I can't believe that I'm actually home. If I call this home. It's home to me now, since this is the only real place that feels that way, meaning a place where I could make a house feel good. But not by the people that I live with or around. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents to all ends. But they are my parents. It actually feels a little uncomfortable, to be here. But it's only the first day here. I flow in to Minneapolis last night, from SF. Then I spent the night at my Grandparent's house. Not the best place to stay right after you back from being with NBTSC'ers, you have to watch what you say & how you say it & what you do, be very careful when you answer the big question of..... "So what did you do at this camp, my dear?"(... from Grandma) Oh glory be. Well you know what you have to say, I'm sure you've all been there.

Then the next morning I had to go to the dentist. I like my dentist, but this time wasn't that fun. I now have braces on the bottom part of my teeth. And just so you all know & can feel sorry for me, YES, they do hurt a fucking LOT!!!!!!!! I'm in pain! I could hardly eat my dinner of salad, bread & jam. I wish this pain of all this shit I have to go through with my teeth would be over.

I'm really don't have much time to think about my trip or time at camp. I'm going on a family camping trip for the weekend on Friday. Can you imagine camping in NORTHERN Minnesota this time of year? Well, it not that warm, really. But it's lots of fun. You just have to get use to the cold.

Then, I believe, I'm home again for only 2 days before I fly out to San Jose CA, for a health conference, that my dad is happily paying for, so I'll be back in the bay area next for about 10 days. I won't have any time to see my friend Micheal! *she sighs & looks off with a sad smile* I want to call him, but I'm not sure if I should. Since I won't be able to see him & he'll be gone by the time I get back. Oh what to do...? The pains of not being able to just do anything I want.

Ahh... my Lords & Ladies

2001-09-23T21:07:11Z

Life is a flying by. I'm here in Sam's beautiful little house, a top the bay, over looking the beauty of the Golden Gate. Ahhh!
Some day I will have the money to live in a place like this & to enjoy! :) That will be the day, eh?

I'm leaving tomorrow, on a plane. Yes, you heard right, a air plane. I was gonna be taking the train, but they upped the price on me, so I said fuck that. I'll fly. I guess that there isn't much between CA, and MN that they would want. So, I'm safe. I actually think now is a pretty good time to fly. Nice prices.

I'm missing people from camp. And I can't believe that I'm in the bay area and not at Danielle's.

Yesterday, I went to the Renaissance Fair, with Garett. Oh it was much fun. All the beautiful Lords & Ladies, their awesome clothing & dress. Oh my! I loved it. I brought myself a bodice. There so much fun. Yeah, you get to show some real skin, even if you don't have much. It's there! :) Ahhh, but I would love to work at one of those fairs, they are so much fun & full of life. I love that clothes, they way they talk, the damn good looking guys in their sexy out fits. : ) Some day I will work there! : ) A wish of my!

Sam is kitting in the chair next to me. Such a sweetie! I love you Sam!

I'll be flying in to Mpls tomorrow, then I go to the dentist the next day. : ( I'm getting tried of these braces, but I still don't know how much longer I'll be having them. I don't want the other surgery. I've already gone through so much. I would really love to be able to get these braces off & then move out or just travel for a long time, to Hawaii, first. But no I'm still at home. My parents rock my world. They really do. Not always am I happy with them, but of late I have been. It's good to know that I have parents that are supporting me in whatever I want to do. They love me! (a big one) I'm happy about that. They really are awesome. I just forget that at times, you know? when your around them 24/7 & they do get on my nerves.

I'm tried of typing, even though I have more I could say... :)

going nuts

2001-08-22T02:20:11Z

well, not really. but sure feels like it. irina & jazz will be here in little while. i have just about packed everything, *hopefully* that i'll be needing for my month long trip. i'm leaving tomorrow, for camp. scary... camp seems to have just like jumped up on me. and i'm not sure i'm ready for it. and two sessions to top it off. so much has been going on in my life the last 3 weeks. forest has been home. and then we went to this really awesome camping trip. and then a totally kick ass wedding.i met some really amazing people there. along with this guy. : ) i'm now not sure if i want to leave. oh come on, yes you do. it's camp! hello! you know the best weeks of your year. ok ok..
ahh, then my sweet brother has this friend of his come visit. oh my god. that woman is beaned amazing. she is totally awesome. i can't say how i feel about this woman. i'm just really happy to know her. and that forest met her. *big smile* i feel so full of light & love. isn't that an awesome thing? i say so!
i miss danielle! i need to call you!
i really have been felling a lot like i have to go back to hawaii. there is something pretty powerful about those islands. i feel that is where i must go. but i'm still here, having my teeth being worked on.
irina call me, tell me where you two are. or should i call thee. fuck i just watch " A Mid Summer Night's Dream" , now i'm talking like them.
well, thy have some more little things to get ready. so, thy off until thy see thou at camp!
good night thy sweet fairies!

That feeling...

2001-08-14T18:24:09Z

You know that feeling of just being held by someone that your attracted to, the feeling of being in their arms & not saying anything or really having to say anything, for it's all just as it feels good?

Yeah, well I had that feeling this last weekend. And it was totally wonderful. I am really amazed by the way you can really get high on just about anything. It's awesome! The feeling of being loved by another person & knowing that you don't have to do anything, unless you want to.

Ohhhh!

*me is very happy!*

I don't like saying bye to people. It hurts.

I'm going to take a bath!

2001-08-10T01:14:34Z

Hey! We have this totally kick ass hot whrol pool bath tube & it's the best for taking long 2 hour baths in, with music or the phone to call some friend, or to read. ahhhhh.... it's thee best!!!!! I love it. It could fit about 2 people, nicely & could maybe have 3 or 4 in. sound like fun?? come on over! : )
well, that's where I'm headed, so see ya'll later. ta ta.... : )

moonlena @ 2001-07-30T09:43:00

2001-07-30T16:09:41Z

Today, is one of those days were you just KNOW it's gonna rain. The bugs are trying to get all the blood they can. It's so humid out that a person wouldn't need to take a shower...you wet enough. And then if your working outside, like mowing the grass, you work up even more of a sweat.
This last weekend as been really wonderful actually, for me anyways. Went to the Art in the Park, with my mom. Even been to it, but it was nice & kinda fun. That night went dancing at a Blue's Fest outdoors. Which kicked ass. I danced all night. Man, that was great! I wish I could that more. But there's hardly ever anything around here go dancing to & live music to top it off. You've gotta remember I live in the middle of "no where country".
Then, Sunday we went to the lake cabin to go water skiing. Oh it was so nice. The wind died down & there wasn't many boats out so it was great. I was able to actually do some of my fancy shit. Oh I love water skiing, so much. Next time I want to drop a ski & go on just one. The jumps are the best. I can lean way back on my ski's & do some nice turns, which makes great spray of water & looks so awesome. The less wind the better for water skiing. It's the tops!
Forest is coming home this week! It's gonna be so great to have him home, for a few weeks.
I need to call Danielle. I'm worried about her.
I need to talk to Irina tonight about coming back from camp.
I have to get my work done.
I need to call Becca.
And I need to get back to work. Got lots to do. And now it is raining. But the sun is trying to come out. Maybe there will be a rainbow! : )

Imagine A Woman

2001-07-30T15:41:35Z

Imagine A Woman Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life. Imagine A Woman who believes she is good A woman who trusts and respects herself Who listens to her needs and desires, and meets the with tenderness and grace Imagine A Woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present A woman who has walked through her past Who has healed into the present. Imagine A Woman who authors her own life A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf Who refuses to surrender except to her true self and her wisest voice. Imagine A Woman who names her own gods A woman who imagines the Divine in her image and likeness Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life Imagine A Woman in love with her own body A woman who believes her body is enough just as it is Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource Imagine A Woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing faces A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and her life Imagine A Woman who values the women in her life A woman who sits in circles of women Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets Imagine yourself this woman!!!

moonlena @ 2001-07-14T21:59:00

2001-07-15T04:00:30Z

I want a nice flning... anybody interested?? LOL

moonlena @ 2001-07-14T21:57:00

2001-07-15T03:59:02Z

I miss my Lotus & Danielle!
I love ya!

Oh, what the hell, why not?

2001-07-15T03:57:36Z

Here I am at home.
Working.... Trying to make that damn money that we all seem to need to be able to live.
Doing some thing that i don't "really" want to be doing, just so I can make some fucking money.
I feel as if some times I don't have any friends around here. I just wish i could go some night & go some where fun if I'm in the mood to party. It ever happens here though. I have one or two friends my age here. That's all.
I need to make some friends here, but there all so different mind set then me & i don't really seem to hit it off that well.
Fuck, being horny is not a good deal. I would have taken just about any guy that showed interest in me if that happened. And that would not be a good deal. Even if I was robbing the cradle. I'm horny, god damn it!

Shit it's been so long!

2001-06-19T20:18:16Z

I haven't wrote in here forever. And I really don't want to write in here right now. But I wanted to say! And that I'm back home for a few days. My surgery went good... I guess. I mean this time, I did it it with out going under, with drugs. Only, novacaine. I was awake through the surgery. Oh my god. I can't believe that I actually did that. I could hear everything they did to me. And it was so weird. I'm glad that one is over. I don't have much pain! Good thing! I just have a real swore mouth. They puled out a baby tooth, that was still there & hooked a chan onto the tooth (& then onto the braces) above that, which was impacted.

I'll be home for a few days, then I'm going back up to Duluth. I don't actually have a job there, yet. I have another inerview, though.

Alright, I'm gonna go out side & get some sun!
I love you all!

It's been awhile & It's been awhile since I could call you....

2001-05-31T21:41:57Z

I just typed a really long update & now it's been deleted. FUCK! I'm pissed. I don't think I can write it all again, right now. I need to get the hell out of here. agrrr...Clam down Selena, it's not the end of the world.. no it;s not, but it fucking took me a hour to type that! You hear, what I'm saying,.... why the hell then did it's get deleted? HUH? I'm getting outta here. FUCK!

moonlena @ 2001-05-21T18:14:00

2001-05-22T00:16:55Z

I feel like shit. I went shopping with my friend Becca, had fun! But then came home feeling sick. I think I'm getting a cold. Oh I hate colds. I hardly ever get them. And now I'm leaving to fly on a plane, tomorrow. Just great! Send me some loving & healing thoughts!

Feeling weird!

2001-05-21T01:55:39Z

So, the wedding was good!

All country & poka music, not my tast.

Saw one of my x-boyfriends at the wedding(actaully, my first guy ever...). Which was really kinda weird. Still looking good. But he's not my type( I found that out). But it was kinda good to see him. He said that I was looking good! Whatever that means? : ) *L*

I miss Lotus!

The family get together was ok!

I'm really tried.

I took so many pictures at the wedding.

I would like to just shake this really weird feeling off, that I have right now. And I can't really decide what the feeling is.

I get to see Danielle in 2 days!!!!! I can't wait!

Tomorrow, I get a hair cut, even though, I don't know what I'm gonna get it cut into. I want some thing a little more outstanding, weird, silly, punkish. Any ideas?

I might be getting to together with my old friend Becca, tomorrow, who's home from college. I'd really like to see her. She's a great friend.

What pisses me off is, how other adults seem to think that they can controll me & what I do. And how people ask, "So now what are you gonna be doing?" How should I know? I want to just do what I want, goddamnit!!!! People don't seem to get it. Whatever... they ask me.."Doesn't money matter to you?" No, not like you think it should. Some times I just wish I could stnad to someone & say how fucked up they are & tell them really how the hell I feel about that person. Oh, it so pisses me off.

I hate it when older guys stare at me & make me feel like a sex machine! Don't they have anything better to do then drool at me? God, what fucked up people.

I get to see my sweet brother in 2 days!

I have so much packing to do before I leave.

I think I'm gonna go watch a movie.

I feel shitty.

I miss my brother!

I want to talk to Jasmine, but I just don't seem to fucking pick up the phone & call her. (kicks self in side) Same with Irina!

I need to get sleep.

I'm leaving now, even though I feel like don't talk to my friends eought! I'm sorry.

Alrighty, I'm gone!~

moonlena @ 2001-05-18T21:57:00

2001-05-19T03:58:49Z

Well, I'm off.... to that wedding & family get together tomorrow. So, good bye & good night for now, my dear ones! : )

moonlena @ 2001-05-18T14:29:00

2001-05-18T20:46:38Z

I have a question that I've been going through my head for a few days. I would like to know what everyone thinks of drugs. If they use them, or feel that they are a dumb & sick way to get away from their lives?
Hard drugs or just pot?
How do you feel when you are high?
Why do you feel you should be using or not using them?
What happened the first time you did get stoned?
Was it cuz your friends were making you feel like shit if you didn't?
Did you really want to do it?
Would you do it again? If you've never used them before, do you feel you want to?
Why?

I would like people to be honest when they answer, as to what you feel or believe. I'm not judging you for what you do or don't do. I just feel that I want to know what other people think of them & their opinions of drugs. Don't get mad at me for asking. : )

I miss....

2001-05-18T05:07:23Z

*Danielle (so fucking much!)

*Sammy

*Jasmine

*Irina

*Forest

*Emily

Hugs to you all!
I love you!!!!!!

Brids in the house!

2001-05-18T04:31:50Z

I have had some of the weirdest & hardest days. These last to days. Yesterday, I was helping my mom clean out our house(after remodeling it).... well, we took some stuff to store down in our other really old house(our x-mas tree shop). I was taking the stuff upstairs & it was so stuffy up there, I opened a window. And then I ended up not coming back up there for a hour or more. When I came back... there was two(not just one, but two) swallows up there. So then, I spent 10 minutes or more trying to get them out. I got one out, pretty easy. I was able to open the window that it was trying to get out of. It's really different say to how birds seem to think they can't go the same window they came in. It must be some bird thing. I got the other one out... finely, after trying to pick it up a few times, but yet not wanting to hurt it. All the while as I was talking to it & trying make it stop hitting the window over & over again, so I could help the poor thing.

Today, I'm dumb enough to leave the van windows open, after vacuuming it. 3 hours later, I come back to drive the van back in the garage. There is now a sparrow of some sorts in there trying to it's best to find a way out. Yet, the bird most have ever thought to go out the way it got in. I just seem to be having a thing with birds, lately. Oh damn that didn't sound good. Ever mind me! *LOL*

Last night my parents & I went out to dinner! It was a lovely evening. Until I got my spring rolls & I was starting to eat them & I had the bad feeling & tasting that I wasn't eating just veggies & rice in this spring roll. It had beef & something else in it that was dead! My god... I spat that out as fast as I could. I didn't give a shit what others thought of a girl putting a mouth full of food in her napkin! It was meat, for pete sakes! I guess my parents had gotten it before & asked it if had meat in it & the waitress told them that it didn't have ANY meat in it! Us being vegans, that wasn't exactly a nice lie to tell. I mean I'm sure it wasn't a lie.... but she could have gone to ask some one rather then saying something that she probably didn't know about.

I now I have a interview with the garden center that I applied at up in Duluth. I'll be going up there June 1st! Oh yeah, I happy! I'm getting the hell outa here! : ) I still haven't hard back from the coop, yet.

I leave next Tuesday, for Tucson AZ! I'm excited! But I can't believe that I'm leaving that soon & that I have so much yet to do before I go. Cuz then when I come back, I'll have two days before I move up to Duluth! I just know I'm gonna get the job! I'm gonna be ready for it.
Not if you don't get your butt moving, Selena you won't be.

This weekend, is a family get together & a good friend of ours wedding. I'm gonna be known as the hoping party girl again! I wish I didn't have to go to my family thing. But you know, my cousin that's a real bicth to me, won't be there. So don't worry. I won't be killing here. *LOL* No really my fam, is pretty cool. Just sometimes they forget that I'm vegan or that I actually do think for myself, thank you very much! Some times I think, they believe I am like some kind of alien, since I'm so different, from them. Maybe they are the aliens & I'm the right minded(whatever that is?), wild & crazy girl! I know I love them deep down there.

I'm so tried. I worked so much today!

I got myself a banking account today! Big news for me. I feel kinda sad as I went in to the bank, thinking that I'm now letting all my childhood money go into a bank that has rules& such. I was giving up in a way. I let my self be controlled my the world & all their behind the walls, type of stuff. Oh well.

I think one of the best things about today is that, the lilacs are blooming! They smell so wonderful, I could eat them! I have some in my room, so I can fall asleep to there sweet smell! Ahhh....

Turn Beauty Inside Out Day!

2001-05-17T02:52:18Z

I hard today is Turn Beauty Inside Out Day, from a friend of mine working at New Moon the zine for girls. And I thought I would add this on to you all.

You are amazingly beautiful, all of you are! : )

Take just a few minutes today to tell someone else why they have Inner Beauty.? It can be an email, a note, a quick phone
call.? Just do it!
While you're at it, celebrate your own Inner Beauty.? And be sure to
check out www.newmoon.org for the latest on our campaign.? It's working!

I wonder

2001-05-16T03:23:46Z

I wonder if you ever think about that night.
I wonder if you even remember me.
Do you think of me as that crazy girl that wanted you so fucking bad?
Or am I just another some body?
I can't seem to get you out of my mind.
With your big beautiful sexy smile.
The way you would always put your arm around me.
Or give me that friendly hug, until that one night.
Then, you drifted away from me.
I asked you the dumbest thing(at the time) if you wanted to have a fling with me.
I was being honest.
God damn it.
I tried so hard.
Just to hear the words of "I TRY not to get involved with my friends"!
So sweet the way you said it.
Then you hugged me.
But why did it not feel the same after that?
You seemed to watch your self around me. And I was afraid to come up & hug you, with you feeling like I was trying to make a move on you.
I wasn't.
I hope you knew that.
I wonder if you still think of me.
Do you still like me as a friend or did I just fuck up everything, with my big ass month!
God damn it... some times I believe my month gets me into so much shit.
I would love to just go back to being the good friends that we were.
Forget what happened that night.
Can you do that?
Can you forget how silly I was that night?
I wonder if the next time, I see you that you'll be as happy to see me, as I am you.
I wonder if you feel like I'm just another girl in another world.
I wonder if you ever think about that night.
I wonder if the next time I see you, it will be all gone.
I'd really like to be your friend.

It's hot!

2001-05-15T21:40:23Z

I went to the dentist again today.
My teeth hurt.
He said that my teeth seem to be doing good.
They are moving like they should.
And they really do kinda look good.
It's fucking hot out today!
92'.... I want to go swimming
Yet it's so hot out that I don't feel like doing anything.
And going swimming would mean driving 20 minutes to our lake cabin.
But I think we should still go.
I need to cool off.
It's all windy & humid.
When am I gonna hear if I've been hired at the either of the places, that I applied at?
I need to call there again.
Oh my god it's so hot!
My teeth hurt!
In that cold/hot way.
Like whenever I eat or drink anything cold or hot, my teeth just feel like there screaming, with pain.
Did I mention yet, that it's really REALLY FUCKING HOT OUT!
Well, it is.
Maybe I should go & lay in the sun for awhile & get a tan.
Like I need one.
I got 5 compliments again, just today on my tan! : )
It's god damn hot out!

ymmmm

2001-05-15T02:43:38Z

Pie is the best thing ever made, by humans! *L*